I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of marriage and how it has changed over time.  I was raised in a very traditional household and have been blessed with two parents who are still very much in love after almost 27 years of marriage.  Divorce was never even a thought in my childhood, and it didn’t even cross my radar probably until sometime in high school when I became more exposed to it though friends and the media (it may have had something to do with the fact that my parents did not get cable TV until I was 17).

Now that I’m older and much more aware of divorce, it seems rampant.   I have a difficult time balancing my thoughts on divorce, relationships, and the media.   I will admit, I’m a sucker for ‘The Real Housewives of…’ shows.  I say I will boycott the Kardashians because they have no respect for marriage and watching them truly makes me dumber, yet somehow when I’m channel surfing I somehow end up stuck on E!.  Even ‘family’ oriented reality TV ends in divorce these days—Newlyweds, Jon & Kate, etc.  I’ve read articles on the internet with various writers discussing how they truly don’t think people are supposed to be together forever, how we should enjoy the chapters in our lives with one person, and as that chapter ends, we find another.   Marriage comes across as something that’s ‘worth a shot’, but if it doesn’t work then we pick ourselves up, and we move along.  

I think with the media today, we all see EVERYTHING that is out there, and compare it to what we don’t have.   From age 3 we are watching fairy tales, most girls by age 12 are going to see romantic comedies on the weekends, and every show on television shows break ups and make ups and finding the man of your dreams.  We all are secretly looking for that prince charming, that Mr. Right.

I think back to the earlier 20th century and how people met, courted, and were married.  Divorce still happened, but it was generally in extreme cases, not just because people ‘changed their minds’.   It was not socially acceptable as it is today, therefore people did not think of it as an easy out.  Were people happier?  Less happy? Just more tolerant?   Less aware of what they are missing? 

I don’t think people today are willing to settle.  People are not willing to accept other’s flaws because we see on television or in movies how things can be ‘perfect!’.   We think there is something better out there, something more magical. 

I am in a relationship with an incredible man.  He is the kindest, most sincere, genuine person I have met.  We have so much fun together it is insane.  I love him so much, the thought of not having him in my life literally makes me sick to my stomach.  But after two years of dating I am beginning to question certain aspects (one particular aspect) of our relationship.  Then I begin to reflect, am I questioning things because something is amiss, because I am not getting something out of this relationship that I need?  Or am I questioning things because my expectations are too high?  Do I deserve more?  If something is missing and I continue down this path, am I settling?  Is one (relatively significant) flaw in the scheme of life worth ending things over?  If I end things with this truly amazing person over this one issue, are my standards too high and unreachable?   How do I balance my romantic side which wants perfection, with reality?

I believe in marriage.  I am not rushing into it anytime soon because I know once it happens, I’m in it forever.  I believe that commitment under God is a true commitment, not just something to test out.  Whatever my husband’s flaws be, I will accept them, and I will be certain before I marry him that they are flaws I can tolerate for a lifetime.  Growing up, I saw my parents bicker on occasion, I saw them get frustrated with one another, but I also saw them calm down, and forgive, and apologize.  I know there are ups and downs in any marriage, and I am willing to accept that.  I just wonder if my expectations are too high for me to even get to the point of marriage.  Whether I will always have a fear about that one flaw with whomever I am dating, and whether I can overcome it.  Or will I meet the right person and just know it?  Do I question things because they aren’t right?  Or do I question things because of what I see around me constantly?  People are not satisfied, always wanting the best, next, newest, am I becoming one of those people?